Sunday, May 09, 2004
Today wake up at 8 because my mum friend called... Ka Ni Na... early in the morning call si mi... Was so pissed off.. Every Sunday Morning sure will called.. I was so fucked up and really feel like scolding her... Wake up online for awhile but no one was here so i went to bathe.. After that online again untiL 10+ hais.. After that My brother went to cut hair and his phone rang.. so i went to take a look... i was very rude i can sae that i went to look at his phone message.. and i saw a few message from this girl call Ivy.. and my brother set her name as Dear Ivy.. Upon seeing this.. i get very sad.. and after that my mum came back.. i feel like telling her but i dare not... I really cannot tolerate my brother... What he promise is all GONE... Gone ler.. I really hope that Serene jie can come back.. but i think the hope is slim... hais... And my mum even tell me that My brother say no need to tell Serene jie le... I was so angry and i tell my mum i think he got new target ler lar... and aiya... i dont know lar.. hais.. We went out to eat, I don't know why i start to give faces.. To my brother than my father.. hais.... What's happening to me? I don't even know.. My brother was because he keep changing on where to eat... My dad was he ask question i answer him in a angry tone... hais... after eating we went to ah ma house... Ah yee they all were there le... Yuppy i was quite ok but after my mum show the ring i get very angry and dun feel like doing anything... hais.. Next time don't ask me buy things le... and don't ask me do anything.. I am just a useless person who can't choose and do things well... hais... Every1 was saying not nice all this and that.. I said them back.. I said not nice next time don't ask mi buy... I felt that i am really very Lonely in my grandma house... They dote on those cousin except for me.. My grandfather dote on his sons children. As for my grandma ,she dote on eileen and benjamin... All my Ah yee also... They don't really talk to me.. I am always just there alone watching tv and chatting with Benjamin.. HAIZ.... Sometime i dont like to go to my grandma house... And know what? I get even sad when i heard this... Zhen go on a diet lar... it's my mum who say this.. and she shouted infront of the whole family member.. i get very sad and angry.. I know others are prettier and thinner den me... Must you just let mi lose face... I really felt very sad... All my cousin are pretty and Handsome i can say that except for me... Really this is the truth... I was thinking izzit very lose face to have a ugly and fat daughter? if yes pls tell mi.. can dont anknowledge me... everytime say my bad things to ah ma they all but kor kor she will always say good things... hais... Than i was sitting at my ah gong sofa and this cousin make mi very dulan.. her name was Yiling.. She keep saying Dua Pui Nei Nei(keep looking at me and saying this) i guess she is referring to me ba.. Haiz.. I don't really like to go to my grandparents house... Whenever i am there i will feel very sad and loneLy.. I am not like last time ler.. I am not that CheerfuL le... Not like last time ler... LAst time i can laugh, play alot but now... I have been crying for 4 days... Many things has been kept in my heart.. I don't know who to turn to... I know my ah yee don't like me to go out with Eileen... I don't know why... Maybe to her i am a stupid + Naughty Girl... Over all my cousin Eileen is the one i can get along well with.. Her br0ther also ... I can't afford to lose 2 cousins... Really can't.. I am afraid that Eileen will be good back with Pauline... I am very scare... they are going to be in the same schoOl very soOn... Haiz... If they are good like last time i think i am going to be very the loneLy... hais.. Yup after eating i went home... In the car Serene Jie message me... Really glad she still remember me.. She asked mi alot of question... I think she still corcern about us... My dad bring me to find my ah ma.. at there... hais.. once again i heard those i don't want to hear.. ASk mi to go diet again... argh.. Fuck off lar... Want me diet izzit? Lock mi at home don't let mi eat lar.. Best loh.. Or rather die loh.. No need to suffer... Really loh.. I know i need to go on a diet... HAIZ... at there my tear was out but i faster whipe away... and when i reach home my tear automatic came out.. It get even worst when serene jie message.. I get even upset and when i see the message she send mi that day my eye will turn red... hais... i really don't have the mood to do anythin.. just feel very upset... i guess i sad also no use.. no one will know my feeling... i think i shall stop here ler...
-crying every night- hais... i may just go crazy one day...
BabyStridy fades away at
6:28:00 PM;